Weekly Letter: Moving between

Dear Reader,

Today marks the 20yr anniversary of the death of my boyfriend, Jim. I wasn’t going to write about him at all, but between this date and the puppy, my head hasn’t quite been ‘in the game’ so to speak. I find when events are looming, sometimes the best thing to do is be present with them until the time passes.

I’ve written before about Maggie Smith’s idea that we don’t shed our previous selves but add layers (like rings on a tree) as we grow. I really connect to that, because I remember previous versions of myself vividly, as I’m sure you do. Things I’m not proud of, areas where my maturity failed me and my big mouth took over. The more I think about her analogy, the more I notice certain rings are stronger than others. Made of a thicker substance.

The practice recognizes this too discussing how we are composed of different layers of energy and our practice is moving through them. When we do, we can merge back to the Divine. I love that idea, but observing those thick layers, the road to the Divine feels very long. Many days the layers can live in the comfortable past, but other days…they feel like a corset tightening around my chest.

Numbing them doesn’t do any good. So I sit and breathe into them hoping the fibers stretch and loosen until I can breathe comfortably again.

~Carmen